Crazy.

Some days I wonder just what we were thinking, going through so many life changes at one time.  Last night it all just hit me more than usual and I had a breakdown - it stresses me out to no end that there are so many BIG things out of my control.  Is my committee going to let me graduate?  Am I ever going to get a job?  How am I going to afford to pay off my student loans? What about finding a new doctor and hospital to deliver the baby?  Is insurance going to be insanely expensive?  There are so many issues I would love to check off my 'to do' list, but I just have to be patient.  Which, quite frankly, has never been my strong suit - I'm a stress ball and a bit of a control freak.  When I am having one of my more rational moments, I am able to convince myself that things will work out - we have plenty of savings to cover a period of unemployment, soon I will know what degree I am getting (which should make it easier to apply for jobs), and it will be easier to find 'just any job' jobs, if necessary, once we are actually there.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to comfort myself last night, but luckily my husband is sane, rational, and laid-back and he talked me off the ledge.

One good thing we have finally checked off the list is that we have an apartment on hold now.  Finding a place was really stressful for a LOT of reasons, but we narrowed it down to three and then started applying.  Two of them were rented to someone else, but luckily the third was the place we had decided was the best fit for us.  After I finally calmed down last night, I dreamed about our new apartment (even though I have only seen pictures and a floorplan) and where we would put stuff.  I even dreamed about making dinner while the baby watched from her bouncy seat!  This morning I'm feeling a lot better about things, Jeff has a way of bringing me back down to earth, so hopefully I won't freak out again for a while. 

Here is what the apartment floor plan looks like:

I think we will use the smallest bedroom as an office and for storage, because I think it might be too small for the nursery, but we will see. The baby will be in our room at first anyway.  I plan on getting some small plastic storage-type things for the walk-in closet, because currently we have a lot of clothes just piled around and sitting in laundry baskets (for shame!).  It's sort of odd that there aren't closets in the bathrooms, so we will probably have to get some kind of storage in there, maybe those shelves that go over the toilet?  I plan on keeping the majority of towels/linens in the laundry room though.  There's a Costco nearby and we may wind up investing in a chest freezer, too (which I think would also go in the laundry room).  I know that at first we won't be able to get everything we (ok, I) want, even though I have all these visions (chest freezer!  closet organization! patio furniture!), but I think we will be able to make it work quite nicely.  And most importantly, I am completely psyched to have a place to call home, and an address! 

Of course it's never-ending: now that we have a place, I need to start contacting moving companies and looking into getting our car shipped.  I would also like to book our flights sooner rather than later, to avoid paying astronomical prices.  And, oh yeah, we have to do something with our cat.  :-/  But things are looking good school-wise. Jeff and I are both close to finishing our dissertations, he is submitting his to his readers next week and he already has a date scheduled.  My boss wants to submit my paper Monday (FINALLY! This thing has been basically finished for a year...), and that was what was keeping him from letting me schedule a committee meeting, so I should be able to schedule that soon and see what they think about me getting a PhD.  I honestly don't care one way or another at this point despite the fact that everyone thinks it's insane for me to leave with just a Master's, and whatever they decide, then I can move on with my job hunt.  If I can get my PhD, I will start looking at post-docs, it seems that I would probably be able to find something even if it's not a great career-boosting lab.  Otherwise I can look for tech positions and not get told I'm over-qualified, unlike before.  And if all else fails, I will look for a non-science job, in retail or something, once we move.  I would be totally happy with being a barista at Starbucks or a cashier at Trader Joe's (they both have excellent benefits, actually!).

Jeff just left to go fishing in PA with his brother and he won't be back until Monday evening.  So now I'm off to drool over storage solutions at the Container Store's website.  And then maybe work on my dissertation a bit :)